Breaking up with yourself.

Dear you,

It’s not you, its me. I think we should see other people. As I grow, and you don’t, we just aren’t right for eachother anymore. I can’t have you sitting in my head all day telling me things that don’t exist or trying to make me believe things that will never happen. You creep up on me when I least expect it and when I’m feeling really good. You ruin everything.

You’re ugly.

You’re fat. 

You’re worthless.

The world would be better off without you. 

You’re not the only girl he’s dating. 

He’s cheating on you.

He’s lying. 

They don’t like you.

You’ll never succeed. 

Your family doesn’t like you.

You’re a bad mom. 

Most mornings, I wake up with a knot in my stomach because of you. Sometimes, I don’t even know why. But in the back of my head, I know, it’s because of you. It takes me longer to get out of bed and you leave me feeling less motivated and quite frankly, exhausted after you’ve played your part and left me high and dry.

I can’t describe the way you make me feel. But I do know you’re toxic. You’re toxic to me. Toxic to my daughter, family, friends, career, strangers, boyfriend.

When I block your number, you just keep coming back. I move to a new home and you seem to locate me everytime.

Today, I put my foot down. Enough is enough. I’m sick of feeling guilty and regretful after every episode or attack. I’m sick of putting myself down, after you put me down for hours on end and then leaving without a trace. I’m sick of missing out on things, passing up opportunities, ditching friends, avoiding family and fighting with loved ones. Enough is enough.

I promise it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve outgrown you.

Anxiety, Please leave me alone or I’ll get you on harassment charges.

From, not love, Samantha.

So, I’m here to promote and spread positivity. To be a motivational platform for more than just people I “know.” What does writing to my inner voice have to do with positivity? I’m showing you that it’s okay to not be perfect all the time. But… it’s even better to break up with the toxicity of your own head. You don’t have to deal with anything you don’t want to. It’s okay to have bad days but don’t let those bad days turn into bad weeks and bad months. Shake it off and break it off. How long are you going to sit in your own shit ? How long …

Gouda night. I love cheese and I love you all !

LOVE, Samantha

gouda night.jpg

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