Let’s call it, soul searching. Over the past month or so I’ve been doing a lot of communicating and digging deep into myself and learning TONS of things about myself that I never knew. I’m learning why I do the things I do, why I say the things I say, why I have no normal relationships, why I stir up the pot and how I became so down on myself over the years.
See, we dont become who we are over night. We are taught, in some way or another. Until we self discover, were just going to keep living the way we have always lived. Sometimes, it takes a big loss or tragic event to take place before we make a change. And then sometimes, we make changes to prevent a big loss or tragic event.
First things first, you must recognize that there is a problem that needs to be fixed. You must recognize that there is a problem that needs to be fixed. That’s powerful. When you’re set in your ways for years and years and years, it’s hard AF to admit there’s a problem or to even SEE there’s a problem. Many people may have told you your whole life you have an attitude or you’re so negative all the time but until YOU see it, nothing will change.
When I say I’ve been doing soul searching, I’m referring to therapy. As a teen and young adult, I’ve been to a handful of therapists and counselors for different reasons. What I can say about the past times I went is I was not ready for change. If I was ready for change back there, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am a firm believe that everything happens for a reason. So, if I would have been ready back then I may not have all that I have now. I may not have had Christina or met my amazing boyfriend. I might not be close to my family or have the job I have.
Now… I’m ready. My reasons for being ready may be different than yours. All I know is it has been, top 5, one of the best decision of my life. I’ve learned so much about myself the past month and will continue to put work in. I will continue to practice being calm, cool and collective (this part is hard for me for many reasons, but I have hope) I will continue to stop and breathe when I feel like stirring the pot. And the most important, I will continue to keep my eyes open, stay present and love with my arms and heart wide open. This is NOT easy, I will never tell you it is. The past month has been the most uncomfortable time of my life. Simply because its brand new grounds for me. But each day, I rest my head feeling a little more satisfied and at peace with myself.
Make changes, Keep calm and live in the moment. Love you all, Samantha