P.S. I love You Day

In honor of PS I Love You Day tomorrow, I figured I’d share a little anxiety awareness to let y’all know you’re not alone if ok you feel this way, too.

What if I don’t wake up on time tomorrow? What if there’s more traffic than anticipated? Omg! I hope we don’t get to the school too late, then I’ll have to go inside. What if I get into a car accident? What if I am the cause of a car accident? What if I get pulled over? Then I’ll be late for work. Do these pants look bad? I wear the same shoes every day. How about this shirt? I wear the same 3 outfits every day. Do you think they notice ? Why do I keep wearing these pants even though I don’t like the way they look? What if I get yelled at by a customer today? I’m not in the mood to get yelled at. Look how cute my pups are.. it makes me so sad that they’ll be crated while I work. I hope the don’t go to the bathroom in the crate, I’d feel terrible if they had to sit in it all day. What if something happens at school while I’m at work? I’m so far away. My gas lights on. I’m not going to make it to work. I need to stop for gas.. but if I do, I’ll be late. Do I take the stairs or the elevator? If I take the stairs, I’ll be catching my breath for 10 min. If I take the elevator, people will think I’m lazy. Omg all these big trucks on The expressway. What if this person next to me doesn’t let me merge and I miss my exit. You don’t have to stare at me, I know my hair is wet in the middle of the winter but I didn’t have time to get ready this morning or any other morning because I have a five-year-old to get ready for school. OK time to go home. I’m sure there will be a ton of traffic. I will most likely get stuck at every red light. I hope my daughter had a good day at school today. I really don’t wanna go to work tomorrow.Where does this traffic even come from? Did I mention I don’t want to go to work tomorrow?

If you made it this far, congrats. You just read 10% of the ridiculous things that go through my head on a daily basis. Mental illness is something that a majority of people struggle with. The fact that there are so many different types of mental illnesses amaze me. Though, I can only speak on my experience with generalized anxiety and depression.

Anxiety and depression is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. Depression comes in waives and I can fight through it but the anxiety…. Woah. Let. Me. Tell. You. It’s not fun.

Anxiety is holding back. Anxiety is not making new friends because you already feel like they don’t like you. It’s losing relationships you already have because you feel like they’re fake to you. Anxiety is not going to the gym be you fear you’ll be judged. Anxiety is not getting up to go to the bathroom because you don’t want to bring attention to you. Anxiety is not sleeping at night because you’re afraid you won’t wake up. It’s a feeling of constant failure because you feel you’re not normal. It’s something that someone who does have it, doesn’t understand. But those who do have, are your biggest supporters.

What can we do about it? Talk. Let it out. Be the voice for those who have none. Ask questions. Be interested. Genuinely interested. If you don’t get it, try.

We’re not weird. We’re not different. We’re just more careful and cautious than others. The person sitting next to you may have a whole lot more going on than you know. So please, be kind. Please, be respectful. And please, love one another.

Ps…. I love you

XOXO Samantha

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