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Perfect Life

I think the biggest mistake we make as humans in general is being too hard on ourselves. We post funny, graceful pix on Instagram but are we really that smooth in real life ? I know I am (not). I cry, get angry, break down and get anxious. But I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

Let me take you through a typical weekday, in my life. I’ll post some pictures also, this way we can compare the pictures to the actual scenario and see how suave I really am.

Alarm set for 5AM, 5:30AM, 6AM, 6:30AM and 7AM. Wakes up at 7:10AM. We’re already off to a great start. Jump in the shower, get out by 7:23AM and look at my phone to check the time and think to myself “Shit, I’m going to be late again. I guess I’m not doing my hair or makeup AGAIN.”  Moisturize, get dressed and comb hair QUICK.

Now, it’s time to wake up the beast, I mean angel.  “Christina……Christina…………….CHRISTINA” ( Sometimes I wake her up before my shower this way she already starts to wake up) Get her washed up and dressed. It’s now 7:35. I have to leave now if I want to make it to work on time. She didn’t even want to wake up on Halloween morning. What kid doesn’t want to get up on Halloween?

Key phrases in the morning-

“Can I watch TV?” No. But if you are good today, you can watch 1 TV show before bed”

“Can I have candy?” No. But there’s yogurt and cereal downstairs.

“Are we going to school?” Yes, we are.

“But I’m still tired, I want to sleep in your bed.” You can sleep in the car. We have a 35 minute drive.

“Where’s Nugget and Rocco?” In Annies room.

“Are you going to work?” Yes, I am.

These questions are asked and answered different words on an average of 2 times 3-each per morning.  My daughter is only 3 so patience is key. I use different tactics to get her up and out as quickly as possible and a majority of the time, it works.

I always plug my destination into Google Maps to see if there is any excessive traffic or alternate routes. Excessive traffic, who am I kidding, its Long Island, of course there is excessive traffic.  A typical morning commute takes about 35 minutes to get to Christina’s Pre-School and a 5-7 minute drop off, because she doesn’t want me to leave her and then a 15 minute drive to work, in extreme traffic. I try to leave my house an hour before my shift starts but typically it doesn’t work that way.

Once I get to work, I immediatly wonder whats for breakfast and inhale a cup of coffee. Then I scroll through Emails and updates. Then get my work day started. Non- stop after this. My head is spinning all day. Lunch starts to creep up real quickly and next thing I know, its time to close up and go do my evening commute.  I typically get out of work around 5PM these days and sit in my car just listening to some music for about 10 minutes before I continue with my crazy day. I recently transferred to a different department/location so traffic is even worse! “I’ll take the back roads today, it’ll be better than the LIE” Why would you so that girlfriend? There’s a detour and an accident within a mile of each other. At this point I’ve accepted the fact that it’s going to take a 15 minute drove, 35 minutes to get to. Turn up the music!

I get to Christinas school and go figure, she doesn’t want to leave. I have to chase her around the school just to get her jacket on because she has to say goodbye to everyone and just doesn’t want to leave. Finally I get her little coat on and she looks so cute, like a snow bunny.

Time to drive… again. 45 minutes home. OY! Dinner, bath, and bed. Well… I sing to Christina and tickle her to sleep almost every night. Call it what you want but it’s the only quality time I get to spend with her all week.

Sometimes I pass out before her. Sometimes I’m overtired and stay up writing until 2am. Sometimes it’s just average.

But hey, my life is perfect. In the end, every bit of craziness is worth it. I wouldn’t trade my life for the world.

❤️❤️ Keep on keeping on, Samantha

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You Can Go & Love Yourself

Why is it that all we want is to find true love ? How come some of us are not completely satisfied with our lives unless we are constantly with someone that loves us? Our self worth is measured by likes and comments and “😘😍😜.” How did this happen? Where did we go wrong?

At some point, we stopped putting effort in loving ourselves and put one of our most important organs in the hands of someone else. Our hearts. Don’t get me wrong, we were put on this planet to do just that, but somewhere… someone got confused. It was taken to the extreme. I don’t mean to build a wall and shut everyone out. I mean, do the total opposite, but put yourself first. Love with open arms but protect yourself. If you love yourself, you’ll be able to spend time with yourself and not get bored. You’ll be able to go to the diner alone and not feel awkward because you know your in good company. Wake up every morning and tell yourself “I love YOU.” Have faith in YOURSELF. Don’t ever underestimate your capabilities. Screw what everyone else says or thinks about your dreams, goals, interests or hobbies. If you don’t support me…. BYEEEE.

Loving yourself is the key to happiness. Once you develop this self love, your anxiety’s and insecurities will come to an end. This another thing in the works for me right now, but everyday I get a little bit closer.

My brain- “Jeze, Samantha, all these big projects.”

Me- “Keep em comin!!”

❤️❤️With love, alwaysSamantha

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Step Back & Reset.

I’m a huge advocate of “you” time. It’s very important for you to just take time to yourself and shut everything off for a bit. Weather you schedule a stay-cation from work or book a trip, it’s super important to turn it all off.  Every since I became a mom, I was always told I wouldn’t be able to take care of Christina unless I took care of myself first. Boy, is that the truth. I never realized how important it was.  How can you take care of a tiny human when you have all these thoughts going around in your mind like a twister? We do it on a daily basis but sometimes you need to empty that noggin.

Most of the time,  my me time is a long drive down to the beach or no destination with a LOT of music.  Sometimes, my me time is spending time with family.  No matter what my me time is, there always needs to be music.  Find that things that helps you shut your brain off and keep it as your “go-to.” Change it up sometimes, but always keep that one thing in mind.



 

Over the past weekend, I got to enjoy a beautiful weekend in Orlando, Florida, with my mom and her best friend, Dawn.  My mom took me for my golden birthday. I turned 26 on October 26th. How awesome is that?

For years and years and years, I did not have the best relationship with my mother. I was always the type to push away those closest to me and block them out of my life. I did this to my own mother.  Over the past 2 years or so, things really started to change. I became more mature and really started appreciating everything in my life. Over the past year, I’ve really started to build a relationship with my mom. Of course, there are bumps in the road, but we are able to work through them like adults.

I had not been on vacation with my mom in years and we have never been on vacation just the two of us.  Being so close with her made the vacation so much better.

Strutting out of work Thursday, I felt free.  Mommy worked late and I went out for some drinks with a friend.  Friday morning, I jumped out of bed so excited for our weekend.  I couldn’t think about being tired, we had a plane to catch!! We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare, so we sat down at one of the restaurants and had some breakfast. I wasn’t able to fully relax yet, since it was only the second time I was leaving the state without Christina.  Once we got on the plane, I felt even better than I did Thursday night leaving work.  For some reason, when I’m home (In New York) I constantly have the infamous anxiety stomach ache. It does not go away. Even if I’m not anxious on the surface, the stomach ache is always there. The first step on that plane, all of my worries went away.

Later on that night, we met up with my moms best friend, since high school, Dawn.  We  had some dinner and drinks and then went down to Disney Springs and walked around. I felt like I was in another world. It was the first time in I don’t know how long that I was relaxed.  Like fully relaxed.  We got back to the hotel pretty early because we had a long day and the next day would be even longer.

The next day, we went to Universal Studios and Island of Adventure. WHAT A DAY! We walked around the park the whole day; going on rides, taking pictures, laughing and just having a great time. We laughed so much we (literally) peed our pants, TWICE! We had butter-beer and regular beer. Sausages and ribs.  More beer and water. And then some more beer.

Sunday was a chill day, since it was our last full day.  We went to brunch at a really cool, hipster brunch spot/bar.  They played my type of music and the view of the lake was beautiful.  This place had awesome vibes. I could almost picture myself living there and rolling out of bed on a Sunday morning and taking Christina for breakfast and a walk around the lake. There were dogs everywhere and just a slight breeze on the lake.  I almost didn’t want to leave.

Next stop. WINERY! This was our first time at a winery, so we took it all in.  All of the wine, I mean. Everything was amazing.  We went on a tour of the winery and did a wine tasting of all the wines they make in that particular spot.

Once we got back to the hotel, it was time to say goodbye to Dawn.  It was hard to say goodbye, because it meant back to reality for all of us and that we wouldn’t be seeing each other for a while.  Mommy and I just hung out at the hotel once Dawn left.  We did a jelly bean challenge with the Harry Potter jell beans from the park. Super silly and so much fun**Don’t ever eat the earthworm or rotten egg flavor** 

The next morning, we got ready and headed to the airport to come back home. The flights were great, quick and painless (I’m not a fan of flying) I was so ready to be back with my baby girl. The look on her face, brought tears to my eyes. “MOMMYYYYY!!” It was so nice to hear her voice and see her face.



When we take our well deserved us time. You time. Family time. Whatever time you need to take to reset yourself, we are able to come back to a clean slate and a fresh start to conquer and rise higher than we did before.  Take care of yourself. Mentally, physically and emotionally.

I learned a lot in one weekend.  I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about life.  I can’t wait to share it with all of you.

To be continued….♥
Samantha

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Free Your Mind

Last time we got together, I wrote about being happy. How are we doing with that? Are we instantly happy yet? Are we over the moon? Are we ecstatic over every aspect of our lives? I think I know the answer to all of these questions. The answer is, simply, no.

Let’s take a typical Monday-Friday work week. You feel super inspired Sunday night before you go to sleep. You wake up Monday morning happy as a pig in mud. Late to work, still happy. Forgot debit card at home, still happy. Get home, make dinner, give baths, put the kids to bed; Still happy through all the chaos. Repeat Tuesday and Wednesday. Still happy. You get home Wednesday, BOOM it happens. You get stuck in a rut. Nothing specific happened, you just get … funky.  For some reason, you can’t pull yourself out of it so you clam up and talk to not a single soul.  Your agitated and irritable.  Now, you start thinking of all the negative things in your life and in the world. How do you feel now? Worse. You push everyone away and now your going to sleep upset because the people closest to you are disappointed and confused.  Thursday rolls around, you wake up with a knot in your stomach from the night before. You forget your debit card at home and your late to work. How do you feel now? WORSE. We just wasted 1 whole day and will never get it back.  All because you don’t know how to control your own emotions.  Who knows us better than ourselves? No one. So, why can’t we pull ourselves out?  Or so we thought. Guess what, You can !

 

With daily stress and struggle, you need to be able to free your mind at some point during the day or at night. You should have something you can think of during the day that pulls you right out, or at least makes you feel a little bit better.

A song, person, pet, place. Anything. Sometimes, I don’t even need to think of my person, place or thing. I can just say to myself “Samantha, What the hell are you doing, your acting like an idiot. STOP!!!!!!!” Don’t get me wrong, this does not happen often but when it does I feel so blessed that I am at the point where I can pull myself out of it and I’m mindful of my emotions.

Try to find a little bit of peace in everything. This way, everywhere you go, you have something to lean on.

I’m going to share some things I do to keep me sane or that helps pull me out of a funk. I’d love to hear what you do to free your mind. Leave it in the comments if you’d like to share. 

 

  • Your support system is NUMBER 1. It is imperative to have people around you that understand what you are going through. Just because someone has not gone through the same thing you go through, doesn’t mean they cant be support. Sometimes, we just need someone to listen or be a shoulder to cry on.  And I don’t mean a whole circle of “friends.” I mean a select few people that love you unconditionally.  You can tell them anything that you are feeling and they won’t judge you or change the way they feel for you.  Most of the time, you can find this in your parents or siblings. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to find this in a boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend.  Always, always, always keep your people updated on how you are feeling.  support.jpg
  • Find a song, artist, playlist, station that makes you float away. It doesn’t have to be slow, calming music. It doesn’t have to be inspirational music. My music of choice when I’m in a funk is typically Linkin Park,  Red Hot Chilli Peppers or the “Down In The Dumps” playlist on Spotify. How ironic? I listen to all of these religiously when I’m in a good mood, also.  Music is a great escape.  There is nothing more beautiful than connecting with the artist via lyrics and tunes. When you listen to music that you connect with, it proves that you are not alone with what you are feeling. You know that at the very least, that artist has gone through what you are going through. Plus all the fans. chester.jpg
  • Quotes, Quotes, Quotes. I am IMMEDIATELY better every time I Google Inspirational or Motivational Quotes.  This kind of ties into having a go to song because if you have a song you like, there has to be at least one verse that you really connect with.  Read quotes or sing that verse to yourself and it should help pull some of the pressure off.

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  • Think of your goals. There is nothing more motivating than having realistic goals. Everything we do in life has an end result. So, if you are working toward something specific, you wouldn’t let anything get in the way of it.  Whenever I feel myself getting into some type of weird feelings, I’ll think of what I’m working toward and kind of slap myself out of it. Is it really worth it to risk not accomplishing your goals or pushing someone away you really care about just to be miserable for a day? I’ll answer that for you. No, it’s not worth it.
  • Treat your body right. Decaff tea, hot shower, water with lemon, seltzer and coffee in moderation.  Typically, when I’m in a mood, I can’t eat. Drinking these things help settle my stomach so I can eat. When you are ready to eat again, be mindful of what you are putting into you body. Alcohol, caffeine and sugar will only make you feel worse in the long run. I always notice a difference in my mood if I have fast food or a home cooked healthy meal with lots of greens and protein.
  • Write. How ironic. When I’m not feeling like myself, I write my feelings in a journal. It doesn’t have to be something fancy, just get your feelings out. You can’t internalize every little thought that goes through your head.  Write it, blog it, sing it, bop it, pull it, push it. Dananananana.  Do whatever you have to do to get the negative thoughts out of your head.

 

Nobody said it was easy. It really is worth it though. Your mental state impacts everything you do. Your job, raising children, having a relationship.  My parents always told me “You can’t take care of someone else or make someone else happy unless you are happy and sane.” Boy, were they right.  You’r mental health is so important. Even the mildest “bad moods” can,  in the long run, turn into something serious, like addition or serious mental disorders. Take care of you first and everything else will fall into place.

Would you rather live your life or just exist? I know I want to live my life to the fullest. Together, we can make the change. Like I said before, I’d love to hear what you do to keep your mind clear. ♥♥ Samantha

 

hereforyou

If anyone ever needs anyone to reach out to, I’m here. I’m not a professional but I
 can promise you I care and will try to help or at the very least, just listen. No one deserves to feel alone in a time of need. 

 

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Can You Keep A Secret?

secret-to-being-happy

 

Why should this concept be a secret ? Why cant we just be. There is too much stress and fighting in the world, why not make your world the best it can be? I feed off of you and you feed off of me.

Before you just become happy, like *poof* I’M HAPPY, you have to understand by making this switch you may never go back to feeling negative and you MAY experience love like no other and feel like you have never felt before.

You see, a bunch of years back, I was numb. Occasionally,  I would drink myself numb. Other times, I would sleep myself numb. Either way, I did not want to feel. For the longest time, I felt like it would be easier and in my best interest to live life this way.  After a series of ( Un)fortunate events, I like to call them blessings, I started to change my mindset. Then, after my  Christina was born, I REALLY changed my mindset ( For the most part )

This is something I struggle with quite often. Sometimes I get caught up in the daily stresses of life and forget to breathe. I’ve really been trying to just be happy and for the most part it’s been working.  I look at every morning as a new start. Yesterday’s problems are typically not following you to the next day. Take full advantage of that. A few posts ago I wrote about starting your day off being thankful for something. Doing this will get you started on the right foot for having a great day. When you get out of bed with a smile on your face, nothing can stop you. I remember this one morning, I woke up and said “I’m going to be happy today” I literally said that 🤣 Little, stupid, annoying things kept happening to me all day and I was able to brush it all off because I started my day off on a great foot. Where you are in life is not permanent. Where you are in life is temporary. So make the best of it. Good or bad. Life is what YOU make it.

What makes happiness is not the same for every person. You have to find what makes you happy and cherish it. Don’t ever let it go and don’t ever take advantage of it.  You can find your happiness in a person, place or thing.  The only things we don’t want to find happiness in is substances or things not healthy for us ( Obviously, Samantha )

I find my happiness in laughter of others.  Seeing people I care about and love.  Late nights and early mornings.  Music, coffee and highlighters.  Puppies and walks at the local lake.  Good company and making memories.  Long drives with no destination.  Being capable to being close and intimate without having sex.  Long, deep conversations about the future.  Work, sleep and Netflix.  The breath of fresh air after I’ve been cooped up inside all day.  Taking the first sip of water in the morning.  Waking up with Nugget on one side of my bed and Rocco on the other and Christina somehow on the another ( I think I need a bigger bed ) A nice fall breeze after a few humid days.  The way he looks at me.  Crawling into bed with some music and just floating away after a long day.

See, happiness can literally be found anywhere. You just have to always be looking for it. Someone can walk into your life and influence you  but ultimately the decision is yours.

 

Lots of Love, Samantha

 

 

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Nothing Changes, If Nothing Changes

Change. Some people love this word and some people run at the thought of it.  Someone very inspirational to me describes how people react to change in a great way. He says that there are some people that don’t flinch at the thought of change, they thrive off of it. There are also people who, at the thought of change, take a deep breath and collect their thoughts and eventually let that breath out. Then …. There are people who take a deep breath and never let go.

Which are you?  Not letting go causes unnecessary anxiety and stress. In this day, it is imperative to be able to, in some way, shape or form, adapt to change.  I’m not saying you have to be a chameleon, but you need to be able to at least deal with it.  How you deal with it, however, all depends on you. No two individuals deal with change the same way.  People can guide you, but ultimately it’s your life and your decisions.

Being able to adapt to change not only gives you a head start on accomplishing life goals but also reduces anxiety, if that’s something that affects you ( it sure does affect me )

I’m going to get a little personal now. Right now, I live with my parents and my 3 1/2 year old daughter in the town I grew up in. I share a room with my daughter.  I don’t travel much, I live pay check to pay check and I would not consider myself financially stable. I have a wonderful job but strive for more each day.  When I shop, most things I pick up are necessities for my daughter (with the exception of some Taco Bell) and the rest of my money goes to bills. This is far off from what I want in life.  I’m uncomfortable. I look at it this way…. WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE?

My goals –

  • Move out of New York with my baby girl and future husband or boyfriend. Or just Christina and I if that’s how it plays out.
  • Have a high enough paying job that I can save enough money to be able to do fun things and experience the beauty of the world.
  • Buy property in another state and have my own house built (preferably built by my father) *Wink, Wink if you are reading this Dad*
  • Someday work from home so I can never miss a game, event or family function.
  • Expand my family.

I will not accomplish any of these goals unless I step out of my comfort zone and take a leap. My current role is what I thought I would be doing for a few years, to get the experience. I’ve been in this role for about a year. Give or take a few weeks. I’ve been at my current location for 4 months, give or take a few weeks.  About 2 months ago, my friend sent me a message and said there was a job opening in her department ( the same company as where I am now ) My immediate reaction was super hesitant. I had literally JUST got comfortable in this new branch, why would I move AGAIN? Things were turning around, people were starting to like and respect me, I was developing really good mentorships and the list goes on as to why I would not take this new position. The timing really bothered me. If only this job came up a few months ago, or again a year from now.  Then, my wheels started really turning.  I started to think about my future. I started to think about my daughters future. I started to think about my goals.  Staying where I am, COULD be helping me accomplish my goals but to an extent.  The opportunities where I am at now, stop at some point.  The opportunities where I could be going, are ENDLESS.  I could travel and relocate while still inspire and being creative.  I wound up applying for the position and interviewing not once, not twice but 4 times.  Full disclaimer : There was a lot of interview prep and outfit changes involved. The day after my last interview, I got a call from my recruiter saying they wanted to offer me the position.  I wont go into full detail what benefits and salary was offered but it’s not much more than I’m getting currently.  This was a problem for me. My first thought was…. If I’m not making anymore money, why should I leave where I am right now? I’m comfortable. “Samantha, that’s exactly why you should leave. The opportunities are endless for a person like you.” It took me 5 days to decide what I wanted to do. I am happy and proud to say that tomorrow is my last day in my branch and as of Monday November 6th 2017, I will be the newest addition to the Wire Investigation team with Capital One Bank!

This whole process was very uncomfortable. A lot of tears, vent sessions and anxiety attacks. The old me would have said “NO!” and stayed where I was and always wondered what it would be like on the other side. I will let you know what it’s like on the other side, hopefully you join.

I’ll end tonight with a quote that I love to say “Nothing changes, if nothing changes. If you do what you always did, you’ll get what you always got.” Take a chance, step out of your comfort zone and CHASE YOUR GOALS!!

♥Samantha


 

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Dear Christina & any children growing up,

Stay in school.  Study hard.  Love music.  Visit your grandparents. Don’t worry about boys.  Start working as soon as you can. Save your money at a young age.  Use credit wisely. Open up to your family.  Find passion in everything you do. Be silly. Be different.  Laugh.  Stay away from drugs. Go on that road trip.  Love with all your heart. Get a pet (or 5.) Simplify.

Growing up is not easy.  Everyone is wired differently but most go through an “I’m not good enough stage.” Some push through it, some don’t and are stuck in a never ending, self-conscious cycle for a lifetime. Weather you get to the point of pushing through it or not, always remember, you ARE good enough. You always have and you always will be.  The way society and the media views perfection is different than the way the most important people in your life view perfection. When your family (or friends) tries to pick you up when you are down, listen to them. Most of the time, they are right.  You are smart enough, you are pretty enough and you are funny enough.

Be a leader.  You will meet SO many people in your life. Don’t get stuck on a certain person or group of people, if they try to make you do things you don’t like or don’t feel comfortable doing. Stand up for yourself and do the right thing, always. Try to inspire people to follow or at least walk next to you.  Lead by example. Inspire.  Be humble.  The key to being a leader, is being vulnerable.

Stay in the moment. Not everything has to be captured on Snapchat or Instagram.  While its nice to have videos and pictures of the awesome show you went to, were you really capturing the full experience of that show because you were too busy making sure you put the best song lyric on the picture you took. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take a picture, it really does last longer.  But you might miss out on something really important or special because your head was buried in your IPhone.  I’m guilty of it myself, but lately I’ve been trying to just appreciate and fully experience whats happening in front of me at that moment.

Don’t ever let anyone crush your dreams. Go for what you want, ALWAYS. Don’t stop until your hunger is satisfied.  If you want to change your major 3 times before you find the right one, do it. Life is all about creating yourself and doing what makes you happy.  What gives someone the right to tell you that what you want to do with YOUR life is not enough?  Who has the right to tell you that your dreams won’t get you anywhere in life?  If it makes your happy (and you stay safe and healthy) DO IT.  Take up hobbies that you enjoy.  Sing, write, dance, volunteer. Do what makes you happy. Plan out your dreams and don’t ever stop pushing. All the hard work will pay off in the end if you have a vision to work toward.  I am by no means a life coach or anything of that nature, but I can certainly speak based off of experience.  

Don’t take life so seriously. Unless you drank from the fountain of youth ( I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that does not exist at this point ) you will not make it out alive. Hopefully, we live long and happy lives and do what makes us happy.  I always see this quote on social media and it really hits me hard because I’ve suffered from anxiety pretty much my whole life.

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

Now, this quote I was only introduced to recently by someone I admire very much and this happened to hit me just as hard. It’s something easy to remember. Short and sweet but gets the point across. If you find a quote that relates to you, remember it. When you feel stressed or feel anxiety come on, recite the quote in your head and 9/10 times, it will help you get out of whatever funk you are in.

“My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice.”

This ties into Living in the moment. Why worry about something that you can’t control? It only makes the process harder for you and more disruptive.  Stay present and pay give the situation at hand your full attention. Laugh. Be flexible. Don’t be stubborn. Develop a sense of humor. Connect with people. And most of all, LOVE.

 

It’s pizza time. Catch ya on the flip-side ♥ Samantha

 

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I Am Vulnerable

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Ok, honestly. Who would want to be helpless, powerless or defenseless? Not me. Being vulnerable basically means you are weak, right? Being vulnerable means tearing your walls down and letting people see you. It means you are fully trusting and putting faith in humanity to take care of your heart and emotions.  Not being vulnerable is the sober version of doing drugs or having an alcohol addiction. Not as extreme, but could potentially have the same effect.  When someone does drugs to mask the pain, they are masking the pain and the happiness. When you pop a pill, you don’t get to choose what you feel and don’t feel. You simply don’t feel. The same with your emotions. If you are programmed to not feel, you will constantly fight the battle with your anxiety’s because you want to feel the good but not the bad.  At this point, I’d rather feel everything, than nothing. I want to experience extreme happiness and sadness, pain, anger, excitement, joy, love, and warmth.

 We are fully aware of the risk we take letting people in, but we do it anyway.

Basically, you are standing naked in a room with your hands and ankles cuffed, trusting that the monsters won’t harm you. Your naked body represents your heart and soul. The monsters represent the human race.

 Why do we do this? Who would want to risk their heart, mind, body and soul just to have some deep feelings and connection ?

That is exactly why.  Just to have some deep feelings and connection. You see, being safe, secure and guarded means you can never truly and fully have a real relationship with anyone.  One of the most important components of any relationship is trust and being uncovered.

I can’t speak for anyone but myself but I have only recently put in an effort to be less emotionally blocked.  I have realized that at almost 26 years I have never had a real relationship with someone outside of my family, due to me not allowing my walls to come down.  As far back as I can remember, I had a wall up. I would only let people get so close and then push them away.  It’s so easy to shut people out when the thoughts in your head start running wild. I still do it at times, but it’s because I’m learning to be vulnerable. My ultimate goal is to be able to shut the voices down and be able to look past what I have been through. In return, I hope to experience a real relationship. Boyfriend, friend, colleague, neighbor, etc.

For me, It was as simple as waking up one day thinking to myself, I don’t want to be alone anymore.   I can’t go my whole life as a single mom not having a man to come home to every night and enjoy life with.  To be able to experience this fully, I needed to make a vow to myself that I will become more open and vulnerable with my emotions.  I also want to set a good example for my daughter.  I want her to have a fair shot at having faith in humanity.

The thought of it is super easy.  But following through with it, is a whole different story.  Bringing peace and serenity to your life is a big part of being vulnerable.  It is so important that you are content with yourself and have a good relationship with yourself before you open up your heart to the world.  I feel that once you have been molded, it’s very hard to change.  If you put my mind and heart into it, you can do anything.

Vulnerability, trust and faith go hand in hand. I’m not saying you have to trust every single person you come in contact with, by any means. But what I am saying is that you need to give them a chance. Just because someone cheated on you in your past, doesn’t mean the next person that comes along will do the same.  Just because someone did not support your goals and dreams, doesn’t mean that the next person won’t fully support everything you heart desires and more.  Just because you had a friend that betrayed you, doesnt mean all friends will do the same.

If you think about it, being vulnerable is the exact opposite of what the Webster dictionary describes it as. Yes, you are uncovered and exposed, but you are strong for being able to demonstrate this quality. You are powerful and brave for being able to know the immediate risk you are taking by tearing your walls down.

I challenge you. Anyone reading this, please, open up.  Let the world see who you are and what you stand for.  The world needs more love and trust.  Without realizing it, you may make the man or woman of your dreams fall in love with you. You may change someones life.  You may even change your own life. 

Nighty night XO Samantha

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Time

 

525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds. 1 year. That seems like a big number to us, but is it? Halfway through each year, I constantly hear (and say) “I can’t believe this years halfway over already!” Mid-September rolls around and we say “I can’t believe its October already.” Next thing you know, your making New Year’s Resolutions.  Are we taking full advantage of our years, even when they go by quickly? Or are we just letting them fly by. 

525,600 minutes. This time last year, my career was just starting to take off.  I was working with a great team…. family. We were learning new things everyday. Creating goals together. Having lunch together.  Spending most of our time together.  Holiday parties. Lunches (Sometimes dinner.) We cried together, laughed together, learned together. We sang, danced and even shouted, on occasion. I owe a lot of my success to this group of people.  Fast forward, 525,600 minutes later. I now work with another fantastic group of people. Now, I am learning teaching, creating goals helping others create goals, eating all day, having lunch, and eating more. Now, I am making a difference. I was making a difference before, but now the results are more prominent.  We cry together, laugh (a lot) and learn (a lot.) We sing, dance and shout. Day in and day out.  You see, 31,536,000 is a really large number, but if you do nothing with it, it’s just a number.  Take advantage of this time because you just may see a difference.

When I first had Christina (my daughter), everyone kept telling me to enjoy the time I have while shes young because before I know it, she won’t be a baby anymore.  Let me tell you, it’s happening.  Mind you, shes only 3 1/2 but these years flew.  Everyday, I watch her grow more and more, into an independent human being. The only thing I can do is enjoy every moment. I cherish every waking and sleeping moment we spend together. You know those “On this day…” posts on Facebook? Well… almost everyday, I get a notification of 1-3 years ago today and 90% of them are pictures or posts about Christina. Her first days of life. The car ride home.  Tummy time. Nap time as an infant.  Sleeping in the car. Holding her bottle for the first time.  First day of daycare. Having baby food for the first time.  The events are endless.  I remember this like it was yesterday. Most of it was over 1 million minutes ago.  1 million minutes! Fast forward again… Now we take videos and pictures together. I take pictures and videos of her and she (tries) to take pictures and videos of me! HAHA! Singing in the car. Dancing at home.  Hour long baths. Building forts. Walking around the lake. Cooking together.  Talking about “life” as a preschooler.  Crying together. Tickling each other. Laughing…all…the…time. Watching Trolls 3 times a day. Cherish every moment because you will never get this moment again.

Time also heals. (Sometimes) This time last year, I was just getting out of a toxic relationship with someone I had known for a decent amount of time. The specific detail of the relationship fail is not relevant, but it is important for you to know there was a lot of damage done.  I never thought I’d be the same.  It took me 525,600 minutes to just begin to trust again.  These days I get overly emotional and sensitive when someone looks at me the wrong way. I snap when I hear something that offends me the slightest bit and I can’t trust a man to save my life, as of right now.  But time and faith took control and is helping me grow each day.  I’m not actively looking to be with someone but I will always open my heart to new opportunities and keep my arms wide open.  I’m healing….

A lot can happen in 1 year. 2 years. 3 years. Or nothing can happen at all.  It’s all about what you make of it.  Don’t let the time pass you by.

Set goals. Follow up with them. Disrupt.  Innovate.  Inspire.  Make love. Make peace. Make a difference. ♥Samantha

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Fresh Air.

As much as I can’t stand Long Island or New York in general, some days and places make up for all of the craziness.  Everyone (should) have a happy place. Or person or thing.  We should all have that thing that refreshes us.

My happy place happens to be Argyle Lake, in Babylon, New York. Don’t get me wrong I have a full list of nouns; people, places and things, that matter me happy. But, no matter what time of day,the temperature or event that is going on here, this place never fails. Full disclosure, this place is not the fanciest lake but good vibes are constantly being thrown around, with the wind blowing in my hair.

Typically, when I come here, I like to walk around the lake a few times. I’ll usually pass the same couple walking the adorable dogs, that I cant help but stop and pet, a few times and the older man/woman doing their fast walk/slow jog once or twice.  No matter who or what I run into, I take it all in.  My favorite is wedding pictures. Sometimes when you go there on a Saturday or Sunday, you’ll catch a wedding party taking bridal pictures. Everyone is just so … Happy. Beautiful. Refreshed.

After I walk, I sit on my favorite bench for a little bit to regroup.  On the north side of the lake, they have 3 benches. I like to sit in the middle one. For some reason this spot makes me feel like I’m in the center of the world, but no one is looking at me. No one is expecting anything from me. Sometimes I listen to music and stare at the lake, other times I just listen to the quiet and observe everyone and everything around me.  See, mental health is very important to me, so,  for the hour that I spend here per visit, it pushes all the negativity out and beings abundant amounts of positivity in.

There is no smell.  It’s pure. By the time I leave here, I feel refreshed. I feel rejuvenated.  I feel replenished.

Most times, there is a gust of wind or a slight breeze. It is never still.  I feel like figuratively the wind is there for the exact reason as above:

it pushes all the negativity out and beings abundant amounts of positivity in.

No matter where you are in life. No matter the situation, always find something to be grateful for each day.  Little things. A simple place, like Argyle Lake, has changed my life forever.

That’s all folks. Namaste. Samantha.

Ponder.