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Get To Know Me

So I’m having a bit of a mental block tonight but want to keep the consistency of writing each day.  I found a pin on Pinterest of 50 personal questions that I will share with you.  I think a Get To Know Me is always super important when you put yourself out there. For a few reasons… 1) I want you to know I’m just like you. 2) Some things may not just come out in a typical blog entry, so why not play 21 (50 in this case) questions.  I have not looked at any of the questions yet, so I am a bit nervous. I will try to be as transparent as possible. Here goes nothing!

  1. Who was the last person you held hands with ?  Technically, my daughter. We always hold hands, even  when we are home sometimes.  Always when we are out though.
  2. Are you loud, outgoing or shy ? This is a good one.  It all depends on my surroundings.  Personality tests say I am a solid extrovert. I feed off of other peoples energy.  It’s case by case with me though.  I am a huge combo of all 3.
  3. Who are you looking forward to seeing ? Wouldn’t you like to know. Next,
  4. Are you easy to get along with ? Super. I can adapt to just about any personality.
  5. Have you ever given up on someone, but then gone back to him or her ? Haven’t we all ? Especially if its someone you really cared or cared about.  I’ve done it a few times but recently I made a promise to myself, if things didn’t work out the first time, I’m not going back. I’m trying to move forward, not backward.
  6. If you were drunk, would the person you like take care of you ? I would hope so.
  7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship 2 months from now ? Who knows? Right now, I’m just chillen.  If I am, awesome-sauce. If not, just as awesome.
  8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind ? Why are there so many questions about my love life ? Can I answer a question with a question?
  9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No.
  10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with ? My family.
  11. What does your most recent text say ? “I’m pretty excited.”
  12. How do you feel about abortion ? This is a touchy subject to me and a lot of women. I’m pro choice – within reason, responsibly. I feel a woman should be able to do what she wants and feels she needs to do with her body. But like I said, within reason, there comes a certain point in the term where its unacceptable.
  13. Do you like big crowds of people ? Eh, not really. This is another thing that depends on who I’m with. a crowd of people I do not know, NO WAY. People I know, sometimes. LOL. I prefer small, intimate crowds.
  14. Do you believe in luck and miracles ? For lack of better terms, no.  I believe in hard work and morals. In extreme situations such as near death experiences and pregnancy, yes. Anything else, no.
  15. What good things happened this summer ? Good things are always happening lately. But this summer… I got a really cool job transfer to a location that was so new to me and got me to where I am now.
  16. Would  you kiss the last person you kissed again ? For sure.
  17. Do you think there is life on other planets ? There has to be. There cant be 8 other big balls of rock and lava just floating around with no purpose.
  18. Do you still talk to your first crush ? I couldn’t even tell you who my first crush was.
  19. Do you like bubble baths ?  I happen to LOVE bubble baths.
  20. Do you like your neighbors ? I don’t really know them but sure. They seem cool.
  21. What are your bad habits ? I’m very insecure. I twirl/knot my hair when I’m anxious.  I pick my eyebrows sometimes.
  22. Where would you like to travel ? Italy has always been a dream of mine but lately I’ve been broadening my horizons with my bucket list. I’d love to go anywhere I can see a live penguin, in its habitat. Not in captivity.  I’d love to go to Africa and see ALL the animals.
  23. Do you have trust issues ? Big time, but I’m working on it.
  24. Favorite part of your daily routine ? Probably putting my pj’s on and snuggling with Christina.
  25. What body parts are you most uncomfortable with ? My legs and stomach.  My body changed a LOT after I had Christina.  My stomach used to be flat and if I got bloated, I could get it back to normal very quickly. Now, it’s very difficult to keep the pounds off.
  26. What do you do when you wake up ? During the week, I get right in the shower. Weekends, I typically will watch some TV in bed for an hour or so.
  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker ? I like my skin color.
  28. Who are you most comfortable around ? Myself.
  29. Have any of your x’s told you they regret breaking up ? Yes. Bye Felicia.
  30. Do you ever want to get married ? I’d love to get married someday.
  31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail ? Yes, it is. A big floofy ponytail.
  32. Which celebrities would you like having a 3some with ? Lord .. Justin Bieber and Vinny from Jersey Shore. I’d marry the shit out of Vinny, though. So I don’t know if I could have a 3 some with him. LMAO
  33. Spell your name with your chin. Well the circumstances don’t call for that right now.
  34. Do you play sports ? I do not.
  35. Would you rather live without TV or music ? TV. I can’t live without music. Music heals all.
  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them ? Yes. A few times. The time just didn’t call for it.
  37. What do you say during awkward silences ? I typically don’t have awkward silences. But if I notice something starting to get weird, I typically say “Well this is awkward. “
  38. Do you think age matters in a relationship ? Eh, it really depends. I don’t think minors and legal age should be mingling. I don’t think age matters in the grand scheme of things though.
  39. What are your favorite stores to shop in ? I’m a huge Marshals, TJMaxx and Home Goods fan. I LOVE S DSW. Sephora, obviously. Best Market.  Target.
  40. What do you want to do after high school ? I guess this was meant for high schoolers. Well, I’ve been out of high school 8 years and I am NOT doing what I thought I’d be doing. Always remember, things don’t always play out the way you want it to. Go with the flow and always have a back up plan.
  41. Do you believe everybody deserves a second chance ? Yes. And 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th. I’m a huge forgiver.  I take people back until my heart is completely sore. THEN I cut my ties. I like to see as much good in people as possible. Once I see no more good, I end it.
  42. If you’re being extremely quiet, what does that mean ? It means I’m either taking everything and I’m at loss for words, in a good way. OR I’m thinking HARDCORE about something.
  43. Do you smile at strangers ? Of course I do.
  44. Trip to outer space or the bottom of the ocean ? This is a hard one …. I think outer space.
  45. Do you want a roommate ? I’ve done it a few times. At the moment, no, I do not.
  46. What are you paranoid about ? Just about everything. Literally. I’ve gotten better though.
  47. What is the meanest thing someone ever said to you ? Mean guys used to call me fat in high school, so I guess those fat jokes.
  48. The nicest thing. I deserve all good things to happen for me and am a beautiful person, inside and out.
  49. Have you done anything recently that you hope no one finds out about ? Not really, I don’t hide things or keep secrets.
  50. What language would you like to learn ? Italian, duah.

 

That was actually kind of fun. Things like this, really make me thing sometimes so it’s good to get my juices flowing again.  We are all human. We all have fears and we all have insecurities. All we can do it lift each other up and realize that we are all the same. Net worth and how large our posse is, means nothing. It’s whats in your heart and the level of humanity you present. Hope you all have a great weekend and I’ll be doing some Thanksgiving posts this week !! ♥♥ Suh-man-tha

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Step Back & Reset.

I’m a huge advocate of “you” time. It’s very important for you to just take time to yourself and shut everything off for a bit. Weather you schedule a stay-cation from work or book a trip, it’s super important to turn it all off.  Every since I became a mom, I was always told I wouldn’t be able to take care of Christina unless I took care of myself first. Boy, is that the truth. I never realized how important it was.  How can you take care of a tiny human when you have all these thoughts going around in your mind like a twister? We do it on a daily basis but sometimes you need to empty that noggin.

Most of the time,  my me time is a long drive down to the beach or no destination with a LOT of music.  Sometimes, my me time is spending time with family.  No matter what my me time is, there always needs to be music.  Find that things that helps you shut your brain off and keep it as your “go-to.” Change it up sometimes, but always keep that one thing in mind.



 

Over the past weekend, I got to enjoy a beautiful weekend in Orlando, Florida, with my mom and her best friend, Dawn.  My mom took me for my golden birthday. I turned 26 on October 26th. How awesome is that?

For years and years and years, I did not have the best relationship with my mother. I was always the type to push away those closest to me and block them out of my life. I did this to my own mother.  Over the past 2 years or so, things really started to change. I became more mature and really started appreciating everything in my life. Over the past year, I’ve really started to build a relationship with my mom. Of course, there are bumps in the road, but we are able to work through them like adults.

I had not been on vacation with my mom in years and we have never been on vacation just the two of us.  Being so close with her made the vacation so much better.

Strutting out of work Thursday, I felt free.  Mommy worked late and I went out for some drinks with a friend.  Friday morning, I jumped out of bed so excited for our weekend.  I couldn’t think about being tired, we had a plane to catch!! We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare, so we sat down at one of the restaurants and had some breakfast. I wasn’t able to fully relax yet, since it was only the second time I was leaving the state without Christina.  Once we got on the plane, I felt even better than I did Thursday night leaving work.  For some reason, when I’m home (In New York) I constantly have the infamous anxiety stomach ache. It does not go away. Even if I’m not anxious on the surface, the stomach ache is always there. The first step on that plane, all of my worries went away.

Later on that night, we met up with my moms best friend, since high school, Dawn.  We  had some dinner and drinks and then went down to Disney Springs and walked around. I felt like I was in another world. It was the first time in I don’t know how long that I was relaxed.  Like fully relaxed.  We got back to the hotel pretty early because we had a long day and the next day would be even longer.

The next day, we went to Universal Studios and Island of Adventure. WHAT A DAY! We walked around the park the whole day; going on rides, taking pictures, laughing and just having a great time. We laughed so much we (literally) peed our pants, TWICE! We had butter-beer and regular beer. Sausages and ribs.  More beer and water. And then some more beer.

Sunday was a chill day, since it was our last full day.  We went to brunch at a really cool, hipster brunch spot/bar.  They played my type of music and the view of the lake was beautiful.  This place had awesome vibes. I could almost picture myself living there and rolling out of bed on a Sunday morning and taking Christina for breakfast and a walk around the lake. There were dogs everywhere and just a slight breeze on the lake.  I almost didn’t want to leave.

Next stop. WINERY! This was our first time at a winery, so we took it all in.  All of the wine, I mean. Everything was amazing.  We went on a tour of the winery and did a wine tasting of all the wines they make in that particular spot.

Once we got back to the hotel, it was time to say goodbye to Dawn.  It was hard to say goodbye, because it meant back to reality for all of us and that we wouldn’t be seeing each other for a while.  Mommy and I just hung out at the hotel once Dawn left.  We did a jelly bean challenge with the Harry Potter jell beans from the park. Super silly and so much fun**Don’t ever eat the earthworm or rotten egg flavor** 

The next morning, we got ready and headed to the airport to come back home. The flights were great, quick and painless (I’m not a fan of flying) I was so ready to be back with my baby girl. The look on her face, brought tears to my eyes. “MOMMYYYYY!!” It was so nice to hear her voice and see her face.



When we take our well deserved us time. You time. Family time. Whatever time you need to take to reset yourself, we are able to come back to a clean slate and a fresh start to conquer and rise higher than we did before.  Take care of yourself. Mentally, physically and emotionally.

I learned a lot in one weekend.  I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about life.  I can’t wait to share it with all of you.

To be continued….♥
Samantha

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Free Your Mind

Last time we got together, I wrote about being happy. How are we doing with that? Are we instantly happy yet? Are we over the moon? Are we ecstatic over every aspect of our lives? I think I know the answer to all of these questions. The answer is, simply, no.

Let’s take a typical Monday-Friday work week. You feel super inspired Sunday night before you go to sleep. You wake up Monday morning happy as a pig in mud. Late to work, still happy. Forgot debit card at home, still happy. Get home, make dinner, give baths, put the kids to bed; Still happy through all the chaos. Repeat Tuesday and Wednesday. Still happy. You get home Wednesday, BOOM it happens. You get stuck in a rut. Nothing specific happened, you just get … funky.  For some reason, you can’t pull yourself out of it so you clam up and talk to not a single soul.  Your agitated and irritable.  Now, you start thinking of all the negative things in your life and in the world. How do you feel now? Worse. You push everyone away and now your going to sleep upset because the people closest to you are disappointed and confused.  Thursday rolls around, you wake up with a knot in your stomach from the night before. You forget your debit card at home and your late to work. How do you feel now? WORSE. We just wasted 1 whole day and will never get it back.  All because you don’t know how to control your own emotions.  Who knows us better than ourselves? No one. So, why can’t we pull ourselves out?  Or so we thought. Guess what, You can !

 

With daily stress and struggle, you need to be able to free your mind at some point during the day or at night. You should have something you can think of during the day that pulls you right out, or at least makes you feel a little bit better.

A song, person, pet, place. Anything. Sometimes, I don’t even need to think of my person, place or thing. I can just say to myself “Samantha, What the hell are you doing, your acting like an idiot. STOP!!!!!!!” Don’t get me wrong, this does not happen often but when it does I feel so blessed that I am at the point where I can pull myself out of it and I’m mindful of my emotions.

Try to find a little bit of peace in everything. This way, everywhere you go, you have something to lean on.

I’m going to share some things I do to keep me sane or that helps pull me out of a funk. I’d love to hear what you do to free your mind. Leave it in the comments if you’d like to share. 

 

  • Your support system is NUMBER 1. It is imperative to have people around you that understand what you are going through. Just because someone has not gone through the same thing you go through, doesn’t mean they cant be support. Sometimes, we just need someone to listen or be a shoulder to cry on.  And I don’t mean a whole circle of “friends.” I mean a select few people that love you unconditionally.  You can tell them anything that you are feeling and they won’t judge you or change the way they feel for you.  Most of the time, you can find this in your parents or siblings. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to find this in a boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend.  Always, always, always keep your people updated on how you are feeling.  support.jpg
  • Find a song, artist, playlist, station that makes you float away. It doesn’t have to be slow, calming music. It doesn’t have to be inspirational music. My music of choice when I’m in a funk is typically Linkin Park,  Red Hot Chilli Peppers or the “Down In The Dumps” playlist on Spotify. How ironic? I listen to all of these religiously when I’m in a good mood, also.  Music is a great escape.  There is nothing more beautiful than connecting with the artist via lyrics and tunes. When you listen to music that you connect with, it proves that you are not alone with what you are feeling. You know that at the very least, that artist has gone through what you are going through. Plus all the fans. chester.jpg
  • Quotes, Quotes, Quotes. I am IMMEDIATELY better every time I Google Inspirational or Motivational Quotes.  This kind of ties into having a go to song because if you have a song you like, there has to be at least one verse that you really connect with.  Read quotes or sing that verse to yourself and it should help pull some of the pressure off.

 problems.jpg

  • Think of your goals. There is nothing more motivating than having realistic goals. Everything we do in life has an end result. So, if you are working toward something specific, you wouldn’t let anything get in the way of it.  Whenever I feel myself getting into some type of weird feelings, I’ll think of what I’m working toward and kind of slap myself out of it. Is it really worth it to risk not accomplishing your goals or pushing someone away you really care about just to be miserable for a day? I’ll answer that for you. No, it’s not worth it.
  • Treat your body right. Decaff tea, hot shower, water with lemon, seltzer and coffee in moderation.  Typically, when I’m in a mood, I can’t eat. Drinking these things help settle my stomach so I can eat. When you are ready to eat again, be mindful of what you are putting into you body. Alcohol, caffeine and sugar will only make you feel worse in the long run. I always notice a difference in my mood if I have fast food or a home cooked healthy meal with lots of greens and protein.
  • Write. How ironic. When I’m not feeling like myself, I write my feelings in a journal. It doesn’t have to be something fancy, just get your feelings out. You can’t internalize every little thought that goes through your head.  Write it, blog it, sing it, bop it, pull it, push it. Dananananana.  Do whatever you have to do to get the negative thoughts out of your head.

 

Nobody said it was easy. It really is worth it though. Your mental state impacts everything you do. Your job, raising children, having a relationship.  My parents always told me “You can’t take care of someone else or make someone else happy unless you are happy and sane.” Boy, were they right.  You’r mental health is so important. Even the mildest “bad moods” can,  in the long run, turn into something serious, like addition or serious mental disorders. Take care of you first and everything else will fall into place.

Would you rather live your life or just exist? I know I want to live my life to the fullest. Together, we can make the change. Like I said before, I’d love to hear what you do to keep your mind clear. ♥♥ Samantha

 

hereforyou

If anyone ever needs anyone to reach out to, I’m here. I’m not a professional but I
 can promise you I care and will try to help or at the very least, just listen. No one deserves to feel alone in a time of need. 

 

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Can You Keep A Secret?

secret-to-being-happy

 

Why should this concept be a secret ? Why cant we just be. There is too much stress and fighting in the world, why not make your world the best it can be? I feed off of you and you feed off of me.

Before you just become happy, like *poof* I’M HAPPY, you have to understand by making this switch you may never go back to feeling negative and you MAY experience love like no other and feel like you have never felt before.

You see, a bunch of years back, I was numb. Occasionally,  I would drink myself numb. Other times, I would sleep myself numb. Either way, I did not want to feel. For the longest time, I felt like it would be easier and in my best interest to live life this way.  After a series of ( Un)fortunate events, I like to call them blessings, I started to change my mindset. Then, after my  Christina was born, I REALLY changed my mindset ( For the most part )

This is something I struggle with quite often. Sometimes I get caught up in the daily stresses of life and forget to breathe. I’ve really been trying to just be happy and for the most part it’s been working.  I look at every morning as a new start. Yesterday’s problems are typically not following you to the next day. Take full advantage of that. A few posts ago I wrote about starting your day off being thankful for something. Doing this will get you started on the right foot for having a great day. When you get out of bed with a smile on your face, nothing can stop you. I remember this one morning, I woke up and said “I’m going to be happy today” I literally said that 🤣 Little, stupid, annoying things kept happening to me all day and I was able to brush it all off because I started my day off on a great foot. Where you are in life is not permanent. Where you are in life is temporary. So make the best of it. Good or bad. Life is what YOU make it.

What makes happiness is not the same for every person. You have to find what makes you happy and cherish it. Don’t ever let it go and don’t ever take advantage of it.  You can find your happiness in a person, place or thing.  The only things we don’t want to find happiness in is substances or things not healthy for us ( Obviously, Samantha )

I find my happiness in laughter of others.  Seeing people I care about and love.  Late nights and early mornings.  Music, coffee and highlighters.  Puppies and walks at the local lake.  Good company and making memories.  Long drives with no destination.  Being capable to being close and intimate without having sex.  Long, deep conversations about the future.  Work, sleep and Netflix.  The breath of fresh air after I’ve been cooped up inside all day.  Taking the first sip of water in the morning.  Waking up with Nugget on one side of my bed and Rocco on the other and Christina somehow on the another ( I think I need a bigger bed ) A nice fall breeze after a few humid days.  The way he looks at me.  Crawling into bed with some music and just floating away after a long day.

See, happiness can literally be found anywhere. You just have to always be looking for it. Someone can walk into your life and influence you  but ultimately the decision is yours.

 

Lots of Love, Samantha

 

 

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Nothing Changes, If Nothing Changes

Change. Some people love this word and some people run at the thought of it.  Someone very inspirational to me describes how people react to change in a great way. He says that there are some people that don’t flinch at the thought of change, they thrive off of it. There are also people who, at the thought of change, take a deep breath and collect their thoughts and eventually let that breath out. Then …. There are people who take a deep breath and never let go.

Which are you?  Not letting go causes unnecessary anxiety and stress. In this day, it is imperative to be able to, in some way, shape or form, adapt to change.  I’m not saying you have to be a chameleon, but you need to be able to at least deal with it.  How you deal with it, however, all depends on you. No two individuals deal with change the same way.  People can guide you, but ultimately it’s your life and your decisions.

Being able to adapt to change not only gives you a head start on accomplishing life goals but also reduces anxiety, if that’s something that affects you ( it sure does affect me )

I’m going to get a little personal now. Right now, I live with my parents and my 3 1/2 year old daughter in the town I grew up in. I share a room with my daughter.  I don’t travel much, I live pay check to pay check and I would not consider myself financially stable. I have a wonderful job but strive for more each day.  When I shop, most things I pick up are necessities for my daughter (with the exception of some Taco Bell) and the rest of my money goes to bills. This is far off from what I want in life.  I’m uncomfortable. I look at it this way…. WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE?

My goals –

  • Move out of New York with my baby girl and future husband or boyfriend. Or just Christina and I if that’s how it plays out.
  • Have a high enough paying job that I can save enough money to be able to do fun things and experience the beauty of the world.
  • Buy property in another state and have my own house built (preferably built by my father) *Wink, Wink if you are reading this Dad*
  • Someday work from home so I can never miss a game, event or family function.
  • Expand my family.

I will not accomplish any of these goals unless I step out of my comfort zone and take a leap. My current role is what I thought I would be doing for a few years, to get the experience. I’ve been in this role for about a year. Give or take a few weeks. I’ve been at my current location for 4 months, give or take a few weeks.  About 2 months ago, my friend sent me a message and said there was a job opening in her department ( the same company as where I am now ) My immediate reaction was super hesitant. I had literally JUST got comfortable in this new branch, why would I move AGAIN? Things were turning around, people were starting to like and respect me, I was developing really good mentorships and the list goes on as to why I would not take this new position. The timing really bothered me. If only this job came up a few months ago, or again a year from now.  Then, my wheels started really turning.  I started to think about my future. I started to think about my daughters future. I started to think about my goals.  Staying where I am, COULD be helping me accomplish my goals but to an extent.  The opportunities where I am at now, stop at some point.  The opportunities where I could be going, are ENDLESS.  I could travel and relocate while still inspire and being creative.  I wound up applying for the position and interviewing not once, not twice but 4 times.  Full disclaimer : There was a lot of interview prep and outfit changes involved. The day after my last interview, I got a call from my recruiter saying they wanted to offer me the position.  I wont go into full detail what benefits and salary was offered but it’s not much more than I’m getting currently.  This was a problem for me. My first thought was…. If I’m not making anymore money, why should I leave where I am right now? I’m comfortable. “Samantha, that’s exactly why you should leave. The opportunities are endless for a person like you.” It took me 5 days to decide what I wanted to do. I am happy and proud to say that tomorrow is my last day in my branch and as of Monday November 6th 2017, I will be the newest addition to the Wire Investigation team with Capital One Bank!

This whole process was very uncomfortable. A lot of tears, vent sessions and anxiety attacks. The old me would have said “NO!” and stayed where I was and always wondered what it would be like on the other side. I will let you know what it’s like on the other side, hopefully you join.

I’ll end tonight with a quote that I love to say “Nothing changes, if nothing changes. If you do what you always did, you’ll get what you always got.” Take a chance, step out of your comfort zone and CHASE YOUR GOALS!!

♥Samantha