blogger · empowering · Growing up · inspire · lifestyle · motivation · photographer · Uncategorized

Girl, Slow Down.

I’m the type of person that always needs to learn something or take something away from negative and positive things that happen to me. It’s my nature. Sometimes it just clicks and I get it right away. Other times it takes a little time. This particular incident took me a few months to learn from.

Back in November I was involved in some scary stuff. I’m going to spare the details for now but I will say, it was 100% not my fault and I got messed up pretty bad.

I remember thinking to myself, “Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I’m getting some bad karma right now.” That was the mindset I had. Instead of just taking away something from it, I had the “Everything happens for a reason” motto stuck in my head. I felt that I did something terrible and was being punished for it.

Our brains go to what we know. It’s who we are.

It took a lot of therapy and thinking outside the box to figure this one out. What I learned from this actually has nothing to do with the incident itself.

What I learned has everything to do with my physical health, mental health and relationships. I learned who is there for me through thick and thin. I learned that it is SO important to take care of your body. Feed it right, move it right and don’t take it for granted. I learned that money isn’t everything. But most of all I learned to slow the heck down. Life is not a race. Time doesn’t really matter. What you make of your time is what matters.

Life is not a race? Yeah, OK, try telling that to every single Long Islander in rush hour traffic. Well, getting to work on time is important. If it’s so important, get up earlier. Plan better. ( I know I have to plan better ) What I mean by “slow down, life is not a race” is exactly what I said. For example, when this first happened, all I could think about was getting back to work and moving on with my life. I suffered from some pretty extensive injuries from this and it wasn’t as easy as “getting back to work and moving on with my life.” I had to put what really didn’t matter aside and put my health first. For once in my life, I had to put myself first.

I now find myself driving slower, taking my time when doing things and not being in a rush to get life out of the way. We should not be in a rush to get life out of the way. 

It took me a while to learn this and get used to putting myself first. At first I felt lazy for knowing my limits. I found myself comparing myself to other moms and my friends. I often found myself getting depressed over not being able to go to NYC during Christmas. Or not being able to go Christmas shopping. I literally ordered all my Christmas gifts from Amazon this year. NO JOKE! I was stuck in a funk. But none of those things mattered. I was taking care of myself. And from this day on, I will continue to do so.

Please, don’t take your life for granted. As a human race, overall, we take advantage of the simple things. We can change the way we think and become more appreciative of the little things in life. It starts with you!

 

XOXO Samantha Erica

 

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Get To Know Me

So I’m having a bit of a mental block tonight but want to keep the consistency of writing each day.  I found a pin on Pinterest of 50 personal questions that I will share with you.  I think a Get To Know Me is always super important when you put yourself out there. For a few reasons… 1) I want you to know I’m just like you. 2) Some things may not just come out in a typical blog entry, so why not play 21 (50 in this case) questions.  I have not looked at any of the questions yet, so I am a bit nervous. I will try to be as transparent as possible. Here goes nothing!

  1. Who was the last person you held hands with ?  Technically, my daughter. We always hold hands, even  when we are home sometimes.  Always when we are out though.
  2. Are you loud, outgoing or shy ? This is a good one.  It all depends on my surroundings.  Personality tests say I am a solid extrovert. I feed off of other peoples energy.  It’s case by case with me though.  I am a huge combo of all 3.
  3. Who are you looking forward to seeing ? Wouldn’t you like to know. Next,
  4. Are you easy to get along with ? Super. I can adapt to just about any personality.
  5. Have you ever given up on someone, but then gone back to him or her ? Haven’t we all ? Especially if its someone you really cared or cared about.  I’ve done it a few times but recently I made a promise to myself, if things didn’t work out the first time, I’m not going back. I’m trying to move forward, not backward.
  6. If you were drunk, would the person you like take care of you ? I would hope so.
  7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship 2 months from now ? Who knows? Right now, I’m just chillen.  If I am, awesome-sauce. If not, just as awesome.
  8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind ? Why are there so many questions about my love life ? Can I answer a question with a question?
  9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No.
  10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with ? My family.
  11. What does your most recent text say ? “I’m pretty excited.”
  12. How do you feel about abortion ? This is a touchy subject to me and a lot of women. I’m pro choice – within reason, responsibly. I feel a woman should be able to do what she wants and feels she needs to do with her body. But like I said, within reason, there comes a certain point in the term where its unacceptable.
  13. Do you like big crowds of people ? Eh, not really. This is another thing that depends on who I’m with. a crowd of people I do not know, NO WAY. People I know, sometimes. LOL. I prefer small, intimate crowds.
  14. Do you believe in luck and miracles ? For lack of better terms, no.  I believe in hard work and morals. In extreme situations such as near death experiences and pregnancy, yes. Anything else, no.
  15. What good things happened this summer ? Good things are always happening lately. But this summer… I got a really cool job transfer to a location that was so new to me and got me to where I am now.
  16. Would  you kiss the last person you kissed again ? For sure.
  17. Do you think there is life on other planets ? There has to be. There cant be 8 other big balls of rock and lava just floating around with no purpose.
  18. Do you still talk to your first crush ? I couldn’t even tell you who my first crush was.
  19. Do you like bubble baths ?  I happen to LOVE bubble baths.
  20. Do you like your neighbors ? I don’t really know them but sure. They seem cool.
  21. What are your bad habits ? I’m very insecure. I twirl/knot my hair when I’m anxious.  I pick my eyebrows sometimes.
  22. Where would you like to travel ? Italy has always been a dream of mine but lately I’ve been broadening my horizons with my bucket list. I’d love to go anywhere I can see a live penguin, in its habitat. Not in captivity.  I’d love to go to Africa and see ALL the animals.
  23. Do you have trust issues ? Big time, but I’m working on it.
  24. Favorite part of your daily routine ? Probably putting my pj’s on and snuggling with Christina.
  25. What body parts are you most uncomfortable with ? My legs and stomach.  My body changed a LOT after I had Christina.  My stomach used to be flat and if I got bloated, I could get it back to normal very quickly. Now, it’s very difficult to keep the pounds off.
  26. What do you do when you wake up ? During the week, I get right in the shower. Weekends, I typically will watch some TV in bed for an hour or so.
  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker ? I like my skin color.
  28. Who are you most comfortable around ? Myself.
  29. Have any of your x’s told you they regret breaking up ? Yes. Bye Felicia.
  30. Do you ever want to get married ? I’d love to get married someday.
  31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail ? Yes, it is. A big floofy ponytail.
  32. Which celebrities would you like having a 3some with ? Lord .. Justin Bieber and Vinny from Jersey Shore. I’d marry the shit out of Vinny, though. So I don’t know if I could have a 3 some with him. LMAO
  33. Spell your name with your chin. Well the circumstances don’t call for that right now.
  34. Do you play sports ? I do not.
  35. Would you rather live without TV or music ? TV. I can’t live without music. Music heals all.
  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them ? Yes. A few times. The time just didn’t call for it.
  37. What do you say during awkward silences ? I typically don’t have awkward silences. But if I notice something starting to get weird, I typically say “Well this is awkward. “
  38. Do you think age matters in a relationship ? Eh, it really depends. I don’t think minors and legal age should be mingling. I don’t think age matters in the grand scheme of things though.
  39. What are your favorite stores to shop in ? I’m a huge Marshals, TJMaxx and Home Goods fan. I LOVE S DSW. Sephora, obviously. Best Market.  Target.
  40. What do you want to do after high school ? I guess this was meant for high schoolers. Well, I’ve been out of high school 8 years and I am NOT doing what I thought I’d be doing. Always remember, things don’t always play out the way you want it to. Go with the flow and always have a back up plan.
  41. Do you believe everybody deserves a second chance ? Yes. And 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th. I’m a huge forgiver.  I take people back until my heart is completely sore. THEN I cut my ties. I like to see as much good in people as possible. Once I see no more good, I end it.
  42. If you’re being extremely quiet, what does that mean ? It means I’m either taking everything and I’m at loss for words, in a good way. OR I’m thinking HARDCORE about something.
  43. Do you smile at strangers ? Of course I do.
  44. Trip to outer space or the bottom of the ocean ? This is a hard one …. I think outer space.
  45. Do you want a roommate ? I’ve done it a few times. At the moment, no, I do not.
  46. What are you paranoid about ? Just about everything. Literally. I’ve gotten better though.
  47. What is the meanest thing someone ever said to you ? Mean guys used to call me fat in high school, so I guess those fat jokes.
  48. The nicest thing. I deserve all good things to happen for me and am a beautiful person, inside and out.
  49. Have you done anything recently that you hope no one finds out about ? Not really, I don’t hide things or keep secrets.
  50. What language would you like to learn ? Italian, duah.

 

That was actually kind of fun. Things like this, really make me thing sometimes so it’s good to get my juices flowing again.  We are all human. We all have fears and we all have insecurities. All we can do it lift each other up and realize that we are all the same. Net worth and how large our posse is, means nothing. It’s whats in your heart and the level of humanity you present. Hope you all have a great weekend and I’ll be doing some Thanksgiving posts this week !! ♥♥ Suh-man-tha

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Free Your Mind

Last time we got together, I wrote about being happy. How are we doing with that? Are we instantly happy yet? Are we over the moon? Are we ecstatic over every aspect of our lives? I think I know the answer to all of these questions. The answer is, simply, no.

Let’s take a typical Monday-Friday work week. You feel super inspired Sunday night before you go to sleep. You wake up Monday morning happy as a pig in mud. Late to work, still happy. Forgot debit card at home, still happy. Get home, make dinner, give baths, put the kids to bed; Still happy through all the chaos. Repeat Tuesday and Wednesday. Still happy. You get home Wednesday, BOOM it happens. You get stuck in a rut. Nothing specific happened, you just get … funky.  For some reason, you can’t pull yourself out of it so you clam up and talk to not a single soul.  Your agitated and irritable.  Now, you start thinking of all the negative things in your life and in the world. How do you feel now? Worse. You push everyone away and now your going to sleep upset because the people closest to you are disappointed and confused.  Thursday rolls around, you wake up with a knot in your stomach from the night before. You forget your debit card at home and your late to work. How do you feel now? WORSE. We just wasted 1 whole day and will never get it back.  All because you don’t know how to control your own emotions.  Who knows us better than ourselves? No one. So, why can’t we pull ourselves out?  Or so we thought. Guess what, You can !

 

With daily stress and struggle, you need to be able to free your mind at some point during the day or at night. You should have something you can think of during the day that pulls you right out, or at least makes you feel a little bit better.

A song, person, pet, place. Anything. Sometimes, I don’t even need to think of my person, place or thing. I can just say to myself “Samantha, What the hell are you doing, your acting like an idiot. STOP!!!!!!!” Don’t get me wrong, this does not happen often but when it does I feel so blessed that I am at the point where I can pull myself out of it and I’m mindful of my emotions.

Try to find a little bit of peace in everything. This way, everywhere you go, you have something to lean on.

I’m going to share some things I do to keep me sane or that helps pull me out of a funk. I’d love to hear what you do to free your mind. Leave it in the comments if you’d like to share. 

 

  • Your support system is NUMBER 1. It is imperative to have people around you that understand what you are going through. Just because someone has not gone through the same thing you go through, doesn’t mean they cant be support. Sometimes, we just need someone to listen or be a shoulder to cry on.  And I don’t mean a whole circle of “friends.” I mean a select few people that love you unconditionally.  You can tell them anything that you are feeling and they won’t judge you or change the way they feel for you.  Most of the time, you can find this in your parents or siblings. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to find this in a boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend.  Always, always, always keep your people updated on how you are feeling.  support.jpg
  • Find a song, artist, playlist, station that makes you float away. It doesn’t have to be slow, calming music. It doesn’t have to be inspirational music. My music of choice when I’m in a funk is typically Linkin Park,  Red Hot Chilli Peppers or the “Down In The Dumps” playlist on Spotify. How ironic? I listen to all of these religiously when I’m in a good mood, also.  Music is a great escape.  There is nothing more beautiful than connecting with the artist via lyrics and tunes. When you listen to music that you connect with, it proves that you are not alone with what you are feeling. You know that at the very least, that artist has gone through what you are going through. Plus all the fans. chester.jpg
  • Quotes, Quotes, Quotes. I am IMMEDIATELY better every time I Google Inspirational or Motivational Quotes.  This kind of ties into having a go to song because if you have a song you like, there has to be at least one verse that you really connect with.  Read quotes or sing that verse to yourself and it should help pull some of the pressure off.

 problems.jpg

  • Think of your goals. There is nothing more motivating than having realistic goals. Everything we do in life has an end result. So, if you are working toward something specific, you wouldn’t let anything get in the way of it.  Whenever I feel myself getting into some type of weird feelings, I’ll think of what I’m working toward and kind of slap myself out of it. Is it really worth it to risk not accomplishing your goals or pushing someone away you really care about just to be miserable for a day? I’ll answer that for you. No, it’s not worth it.
  • Treat your body right. Decaff tea, hot shower, water with lemon, seltzer and coffee in moderation.  Typically, when I’m in a mood, I can’t eat. Drinking these things help settle my stomach so I can eat. When you are ready to eat again, be mindful of what you are putting into you body. Alcohol, caffeine and sugar will only make you feel worse in the long run. I always notice a difference in my mood if I have fast food or a home cooked healthy meal with lots of greens and protein.
  • Write. How ironic. When I’m not feeling like myself, I write my feelings in a journal. It doesn’t have to be something fancy, just get your feelings out. You can’t internalize every little thought that goes through your head.  Write it, blog it, sing it, bop it, pull it, push it. Dananananana.  Do whatever you have to do to get the negative thoughts out of your head.

 

Nobody said it was easy. It really is worth it though. Your mental state impacts everything you do. Your job, raising children, having a relationship.  My parents always told me “You can’t take care of someone else or make someone else happy unless you are happy and sane.” Boy, were they right.  You’r mental health is so important. Even the mildest “bad moods” can,  in the long run, turn into something serious, like addition or serious mental disorders. Take care of you first and everything else will fall into place.

Would you rather live your life or just exist? I know I want to live my life to the fullest. Together, we can make the change. Like I said before, I’d love to hear what you do to keep your mind clear. ♥♥ Samantha

 

hereforyou

If anyone ever needs anyone to reach out to, I’m here. I’m not a professional but I
 can promise you I care and will try to help or at the very least, just listen. No one deserves to feel alone in a time of need. 

 

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Can You Keep A Secret?

secret-to-being-happy

 

Why should this concept be a secret ? Why cant we just be. There is too much stress and fighting in the world, why not make your world the best it can be? I feed off of you and you feed off of me.

Before you just become happy, like *poof* I’M HAPPY, you have to understand by making this switch you may never go back to feeling negative and you MAY experience love like no other and feel like you have never felt before.

You see, a bunch of years back, I was numb. Occasionally,  I would drink myself numb. Other times, I would sleep myself numb. Either way, I did not want to feel. For the longest time, I felt like it would be easier and in my best interest to live life this way.  After a series of ( Un)fortunate events, I like to call them blessings, I started to change my mindset. Then, after my  Christina was born, I REALLY changed my mindset ( For the most part )

This is something I struggle with quite often. Sometimes I get caught up in the daily stresses of life and forget to breathe. I’ve really been trying to just be happy and for the most part it’s been working.  I look at every morning as a new start. Yesterday’s problems are typically not following you to the next day. Take full advantage of that. A few posts ago I wrote about starting your day off being thankful for something. Doing this will get you started on the right foot for having a great day. When you get out of bed with a smile on your face, nothing can stop you. I remember this one morning, I woke up and said “I’m going to be happy today” I literally said that 🤣 Little, stupid, annoying things kept happening to me all day and I was able to brush it all off because I started my day off on a great foot. Where you are in life is not permanent. Where you are in life is temporary. So make the best of it. Good or bad. Life is what YOU make it.

What makes happiness is not the same for every person. You have to find what makes you happy and cherish it. Don’t ever let it go and don’t ever take advantage of it.  You can find your happiness in a person, place or thing.  The only things we don’t want to find happiness in is substances or things not healthy for us ( Obviously, Samantha )

I find my happiness in laughter of others.  Seeing people I care about and love.  Late nights and early mornings.  Music, coffee and highlighters.  Puppies and walks at the local lake.  Good company and making memories.  Long drives with no destination.  Being capable to being close and intimate without having sex.  Long, deep conversations about the future.  Work, sleep and Netflix.  The breath of fresh air after I’ve been cooped up inside all day.  Taking the first sip of water in the morning.  Waking up with Nugget on one side of my bed and Rocco on the other and Christina somehow on the another ( I think I need a bigger bed ) A nice fall breeze after a few humid days.  The way he looks at me.  Crawling into bed with some music and just floating away after a long day.

See, happiness can literally be found anywhere. You just have to always be looking for it. Someone can walk into your life and influence you  but ultimately the decision is yours.

 

Lots of Love, Samantha