lifestyle

The One

At some point in our lives, we will come across “The One.” It may be our first love or a few after that. Sometimes, we get lucky enough and they’re our last love. Other times, we just have to live with the fact that they slipped away.

Everyone has that person. It’s the person that no matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen them, you still get butterflies thinking about them. A specific song or movie comes on, you think of them. You pass a place nearby or pass through their town, they pop into your mind. Looking through old pictures and a photo of you two randomly show up. If it’s been a long time since you’ve been with them, they may not always be in your mind. But when the pop up, it hits you hard. Like a ton of bricks to the stomach.

They’ve been around for very important times if your life and have helped shape you into the person you are today. How can you just … forget?

We learn at a very young age that we need to cherish those who are important to us and do anything we can to protect our relationship with them. Sometimes we take it for granted. We think, “They love me, so they won’t leave” or “He hasn’t left me yet, so I can still push the limits.” But what happens when you push them so far away that they never return. What happens when that solid relationship turns into an “on and off” relationship… and then what happens when it’s over. Completely over.

What happens? You deal with it. You call out of work for a week, don’t show up to class, lay in bed for days and binge eat. You don’t put makeup on because you’re just going to cry it off anyway. You stay far away from other people because you don’t want to put a damper on their day.

This person was your everything and you were theirs. You did everything together. You had a lot of firsts and a lot of lasts. The feelings were certainly a first and last. I feel like once you find that person, even if it doesn’t last forever, there will never be another like them.

Maybe it was the right person but the wrong timing. Maybe it was the right person and the right time. Or maybe it was just a hard lesson that needed to be learned. You don’t know what you have till it’s gone.

It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Years and years and years go by and it feels like a lifetime. They say “What’s meant to be, will be” But sometimes, it just doesn’t feel that way.

XOXO SAM

blogger · empowering · Growing up · inspire · lifestyle · motivation · photographer

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.” Let me say that again for the people in the cheap seats” – Rachel Hollis, Girl, Wash Your Face

Please say that again. Repeat it so many times that you start to believe it. I started listening to the audible version of “Girl Wash Your Face” and I feel like I found my blogger/social media/author spirit animal/soul mate. Rachel writes about her experience with life and aspires to inspire and motivate women.

I’m about halfway through the book and each chapter is better than the last. My favorite part of the book so far is where she talks about something her therapist told her as a young girl.

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.

Wow.

First of all. My therapist tells me this ALL the time, so kudos to the great therapists that hold us women together.

Second of all. Wow. This quote speaks to me on so many levels.

We are always so worried about what people think of us. Truth of the matter is, people are entitled to their opinions on books, politics, music, movies AND what they think about you.

As humans, its in our nature to wonder (and worry) about how we are viewed. Society is cruel. High school was cruel. The workplace can be cruel. Sometimes so cruel that it gives us so much anxiety we are unable to perform our daily functions.

I’m pretty sure every woman has been called fat or ugly at some point in their lives. (By the way, you are not fat or ugly. You are perfect just the way you are in every way.) Now, those asshole guys from high school that called you fat brought your confidence DOWN. You used to love summer and being at the beach. Now you wont be caught dead wearing shorts, let alone a bathing suit.

You may have a really difficult co-worker that just doesn’t get you. Everything you do, they have to criticize. Everytime you try to help or develop or bond with your team, they think youre kissing ass. Reality check: you’re just being a good person and doing what makes YOU happy. But because of the judgement, you decide to back down and not lead the way anymore.

I’m sure you have dealt with judgement at least once in your lifetime, if not hundreds of times. It’s not about what these people think of you. It’s how you react to it.

“So and so called me fat.”

“This one thinks Im a kiss ass.”

“Another one thinks Im a bitch.”

“Did he just call me stupid?”

“They always said Ill never get anywhere in life.”

The most successful and happiest of people do not let people’s opinions of them get in their way. Let’s take the most beautiful and amazing plus size model for example. Ashley Graham. Many people have called her fat. She did NOT let what people say get in her way. She’s been on TONS of magazine covers and even on the cover of Sports Illustrated. She didn’t let the assholes get in her way.

The female business owner was always told she would never amount to anything because she is a woman. Because she doesn’t have an education. Because all she knows how to do is be a mom. Day in and day out she was criticizing by people around her. Dealt with HR related issues for being treated unfairly and even struggled with unfair pay because she was a woman. She did not let these people’s thoughts get to her or get in her way. She did what SHE wanted to do and what she was nade to do.

My point is simple.

The act ? Not so simple. It takes TIME and EFFORT to practice not giving a shit about what people think of you. It takes patience and lots of falling down and picking yourself up again, to not listen to words that shouldn’t concern you.

Start off small. Keep a picture of the quote “Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business” as your background on your phone. Remind yourself day in and day out that their opinions are invalid and mean absolutely nothing. Eventually, you won’t even be phased by most of the negative talk.

After all, the only opinions that matter, will be given to you with the purest of intentions by the most amazing, loving people in your life, that want to see you succeed.

Crazy to think that there’s people that want to see you happy, right?

XOXO Samantha.

blogger · empowering · Growing up · inspire · lifestyle · motivation · photographer · Uncategorized

Girl, Slow Down.

I’m the type of person that always needs to learn something or take something away from negative and positive things that happen to me. It’s my nature. Sometimes it just clicks and I get it right away. Other times it takes a little time. This particular incident took me a few months to learn from.

Back in November I was involved in some scary stuff. I’m going to spare the details for now but I will say, it was 100% not my fault and I got messed up pretty bad.

I remember thinking to myself, “Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I’m getting some bad karma right now.” That was the mindset I had. Instead of just taking away something from it, I had the “Everything happens for a reason” motto stuck in my head. I felt that I did something terrible and was being punished for it.

Our brains go to what we know. It’s who we are.

It took a lot of therapy and thinking outside the box to figure this one out. What I learned from this actually has nothing to do with the incident itself.

What I learned has everything to do with my physical health, mental health and relationships. I learned who is there for me through thick and thin. I learned that it is SO important to take care of your body. Feed it right, move it right and don’t take it for granted. I learned that money isn’t everything. But most of all I learned to slow the heck down. Life is not a race. Time doesn’t really matter. What you make of your time is what matters.

Life is not a race? Yeah, OK, try telling that to every single Long Islander in rush hour traffic. Well, getting to work on time is important. If it’s so important, get up earlier. Plan better. ( I know I have to plan better ) What I mean by “slow down, life is not a race” is exactly what I said. For example, when this first happened, all I could think about was getting back to work and moving on with my life. I suffered from some pretty extensive injuries from this and it wasn’t as easy as “getting back to work and moving on with my life.” I had to put what really didn’t matter aside and put my health first. For once in my life, I had to put myself first.

I now find myself driving slower, taking my time when doing things and not being in a rush to get life out of the way. We should not be in a rush to get life out of the way. 

It took me a while to learn this and get used to putting myself first. At first I felt lazy for knowing my limits. I found myself comparing myself to other moms and my friends. I often found myself getting depressed over not being able to go to NYC during Christmas. Or not being able to go Christmas shopping. I literally ordered all my Christmas gifts from Amazon this year. NO JOKE! I was stuck in a funk. But none of those things mattered. I was taking care of myself. And from this day on, I will continue to do so.

Please, don’t take your life for granted. As a human race, overall, we take advantage of the simple things. We can change the way we think and become more appreciative of the little things in life. It starts with you!

 

XOXO Samantha Erica

 

Uncategorized

Staying Present.

How many times have you heard someone tell you to stay in the moment and be present? I know I’ve heard my mother say this to me so much throughout the past few years. It always sounds SO much easier than it really is. What does that even mean? Of course I’m present. I’m here aren’t I?

Wrong.

My body is here. But my head is there. I’m looking at you and hearing you but I’m not listening. I’m scrolling through social media, I’m thinking about the bills that need to be paid or how much I don’t want to go to work on Monday (when its’s only Friday) Why am I thinking about Monday when it’s only Friday? **insert thinking emoji here**

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Lately, I’ve been trying to be more presentIt’s hard, don’t get me wrong, but I do find myself enjoying my time a LOT more than I have in the past. I’m a better mom, daughter, girlfriend, friend and worker. I’m happier. I deleted social media apps from my phone so its not as convenient for me to get into, I disabled notifications on my phone except for important things such as texts, phone calls and updates on my daughters school and I fight my brain every single moment of every single day to push away all the “other” feelings, emotions and thoughts. Easy? No.

Simplifying my life has helped me become more present because I don’t have all these things preventing me from living my best moment. This the best way I can describe how I do it. I’m also only at the beginning stages of simplifying my life, so as I develop more thoughts and best practices, you KNOW I’ll be sharing !!

Nothing bothers me more than having an important conversation with someone and they pick up their phone and start scrolling through Instagram or answer a text. That can wait. This isn’t being selfish, its being present and enjoying the moment. It’s also showing the other person you care about what they have to say and what they are talking about is important.  How about after being intimate with a loved one and them rolling over and checking their phone RIGHT AFTER? Hello.. cuddle me please. ENJOY THE MOMENT.

I can’t stress it enough how hard it really is to do everything I just said, especially if you have an addictive personality or an anxious mind. But I promise you, the more you work at it and the more you simplify, the easier it gets to enjoy and LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!

Some things I’ve been doing to help simplify are

  • Meal prepping
  • Wearing the same clothes (washing them of course,) so I don’t have to think about what I wear
  • Deleting apps/disable notifications
  • THROW THINGS AWAY/DONATE
  • Not keeping my phone next to me at all time
  • Being more social ( to help practice being in the moment)
  • MEDITATE, MEDITATE, MEDITATE ( I just go on Youtube for guided meditation before bed) I’ll post some links below.

There’s no better feeling than talking to someone and having nothing else on your mind. That’s the goal.  We’re only human, it’s not going to be perfect… ever. But the more we work toward living our best life, the happier we will be.

 

Happy Humpday !!

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XOXO SAMANTHA

 

 

**I do not own rights to these Youtube channels, just throwing them out there for your use**

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX159cvbQYBvMFvpdsbIDdA

 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqPYhcdFgrlUXiGmPRAej1w

 

https://www.youtube.com/user/MichaelSealey